The importance of Spandex

Dedicated to Ray, “Mr. Spandex” an article from Lift Big Eat Big

Right now, as we speak, the world is suffering from a pandemic: Not enough men and women are training in spandex. I am not making this up, you can check with the CDC. Many men would agree that spandex is one of the greatest inventions anywhere, ever. But they only relate this to women. Men need to realize that not only do most women want to see men training in spandex, spandex can also offer benefits to your training. Let’s check out a few of the benefits.

One of the most obvious benefits of training in spandex is apparatus containment. The problem with training in basketball or gym shorts is apparatus hangin’ and swangin’. This can interfere with bar paths, and cause undue pain to the individual. Spandex solves this problem and will keep your goods from swangin’ lane to lane. No longer will you have to tuck it back, or have massive amounts of chalk on your crotch from constantly having to readjust yourself. Now isn’t that nice?

Shorts can catch on your knee when squatting or worse, have the inseam interfere with your depth because they are too small due to your massive gluteus booteus. Spandex solves both of these issues. By conforming to the shape of your lower body, no longer will you have to worry about depth and knee position being called into question. Is there anything worse on the planet than having your buttcrack hang out because your shorts are caught on your knee? I think not, good sir.

Finally, the most important part about wearing spandex is: it drives the ladies (or gents) completely wild. Men, think about how you feel when you see this. That is roughly how your opposite sex feels when they see your giant glutes in spandex, or quads so large they are about to spill over your knees. There is an old Chinese proverb, ????????? ???, which translates to “If you’ve got it, flaunt it “. This quote holds true here, if you have some tree trunks, why wouldn’t you want to help out a fellow lifter by allowing them to stare at them for an awkwardly long amount of time? Don’t be one of those little fellas’ who gets uncomfortable at the sight of a man in spandex: what are you, homeschooled? Do the world a favor and drop trou for some spandex today.*
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